Birthmom

As hard as infertility is, someday Tyson and I will be parents, and will feel great joy in our children.  I feel sad a lot because of infertility, but in the adoption story there is another mother that feels love and pain: the birthmother.  One of these days, we will meet a very brave woman, and I've been thinking about her a lot lately.

What will she be like?  I don't know, but I'd like to think she will turn out to be a dear friend.  I feel scared to meet her, but I'm sure she will be scared to meet us.  I hope we can make her feel loved and appreciated-- and comfortable around us.

I know I won't understand the grief she will experience.  I know I won't be able to thank her enough.  I also know I won't fail her in being a good mother to her child.

I can't carry a child, but I feel like there are children meant to be in my family.  Is that all a birthmother is?  A one time conduit between us and our baby?  I think she is more. 

Happy New Year!

I want to write about how I'm feeling so I don't forget.  I just have this feeling that everything will work out when the time is right, and our little one will join our family.  Important to remember when times get discouraging!

I feel encouraged right now for so many reasons.  At the start of a new year we have so much to look forward to!  I start school again this month- so excited to finish my Masters!  It's a time for goals and renewal.  I even made dinner the past two nights-- it's a miracle!

There are so many people that light up my life right now.  I had a nice chat with my friend Brenda the other day, who knows EXACTLY what we are going through.  So nice to talk with someone who literally understands.

Also, my friend and neighbor Emilie Ralph offered to update our photos for our adoption profile!  Didn't they turn out so cute?  Em is a fantastic photographer!  If you are looking to get your family pics done or take a class on how to use that camera you got for Christmas, check out her website at http://www.photobyemilie.com/! 

I'm also feeling gratitude for my awesome family!  My parents are amazing.  I can always depend on them.  They never let me down.  My husband is so kind and patient with me.  We always have fun together.  So glad I married you honey!  My siblings are so great--they are my best friends.  And Tyson's family members are the greatest inlaws I could ever hope for.  I love each one of them dearly.

Happy New Year everybody!

Katie

Party tonight!

We still have lots of tickets available, so feel free to show up tonight at Chick fil A even if you didn't purchase tickets in advance.  We can hook you up at the door.

I am not going to let the fact that we weren't chosen by this latest birthmom ruin our party.  We got an email at 5:00 tonight that she chose someone else.  I'm going to have a blast tonight and maybe have a good cry tomorrow.  Maybe not.  I'd rather skip it.  So tired of this rollercoaster ride sometimes!! 

See y'all at the party!

XOXOXO,
Katie

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya. . .

Our picture book is being shown to another birthmom tomorrow.  Thanks to everyone who prays for us on a regular basis, cause boy we need it!  Sometimes I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails.  If I can just keep my spirits up!  Looking forward to a fun party Thursday night.  Love you all!
Katie

One more bump in the road. . .

Yesterday we got the call that the birth mother considering us had narrowed it down to 2 or 3 couples, and we were still in the running.  We talked with her for a while on the phone so she could get to know us better and it went pretty well for the most part, but today we got the phone call that she chose another couple. 
We are okay, but still sad.  It was exciting to have the possibility for a while of having a son.  We would like to thank all our family and friends who walk with us during this difficult time in our lives.  It's nice not to have to go through this alone. 

Refresh Button MANIAC!

Ever hit the refresh button on your email literally dozens of times a day?  I sure have.  Especially when Tyson and I were dating.  Just couldn't wait to get that next email, and read it, and reread it. 

Well now I'm at it again.  I'm dying to get that next email or phone call from the agency.  A birthmom received our picture book yesterday.  Not sure how many other couples we are up against, but she is chosing-- RIGHT NOW! 

Please tell us quick that we aren't chosen, like ripping off a band-aid!  Then we will take a deep breath and keep on truckin'.  What if we are chosen?  That's pretty scary too!  What if she chooses us, then decides to parent once he is born.  No!  Don't think about that! 

It's a gigantic decision.  These things take time.  Me emailing the case worker won't make the news come faster, although I'm severely tempted. 

Well, gotta go.  Gotta go hit the refresh button ten million more times.

XOXOXO,
Katie Lou

Waiting

Waiting

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,
Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;
I rave no more 'gainst time or fate,
For lo! my own shall come to me.

I stay my haste, I make delays,
For what avails this eager pace?
I stand amid the eternal ways,
And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day,
The friends I seek are seeking me;
No wind can drive my bark astray,
Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?
I wait with joy the coming years;
My heart shall reap where it hath sown,
And garner up its fruit of tears.

The waters know their own and draw
The brook that springs in yonder height;
So flows the good with equal law
Unto the soul of pure delight.

The stars come nightly to the sky;
The tidal wave unto the sea;
Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,
Can keep my own away from me.

John Burroughs (1837 - 1921)