Dream

Today is the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington and the "I have a dream" speech. I have a lot of gratitude in my heart today for the brave people who risked so much in the hopes of freedom and equality for all.

Although my sweet baby does not live in a world free from racism, it is a very different world than it was 50 years ago. A dear friend of mine, Claustina Mahon-Reynolds, and I took our families to a reading of a play about Emmett Till a few months ago. The play touched me the most when someone asked Emmett's mother if she thought that perhaps other children live because her son was killed. I couldn't escape the thought that perhaps my child lives because her son does not. It was the thought of Emmett Till that made Rosa Parks, and so many others, stand their ground. Tyson and I didn't name our son specifically after Emmett Till, but if his name helps people remember Emmett Till, we are glad of it.

I always had sympathy for those suffering from racism, but it's different now. Having an African-American child makes the Civil Rights movement very very personal. I look into Emmett's face, and I wonder about the stories of his ancestors. My connection to my child gives me a feeling of connection to them, and I hope that someday he will feel the pride and gratitude that I feel.

Yum!

Father's Day

It's not Father's Day just yet, but it looks like daddy's going to need a new tie!

Happy boy :)

Kansas

I'm in Kansas this weekend for my capstone course at Emporia State University. It's nice to finally visit the school that will be printed on my diploma! I cried when I said goodbye to my baby, so it's good this is a short trip. Kansas is green and flat. I enjoyed my drive from Kansas City to Emporia, especially since my rental car turned out to be a mustang GT convertible! I thought they were going to give me a Focus!
My presentation went well and I made some wonderful new friends. Looking forward to seeing my husband and son again tomorrow!

A boy and his daddy

I love my little family!

I'm so excited. . .

And I just can't hide it!

Done Deal!

Emmett's adoption will be final on April 8th, and we couldn't be more excited! We love our boy!

Happy Valentines Day!

Cupid would like to wish you all a happy valentines day!

tagenbakerstudios.com

Many thanks to my friend, Tagen, for her kind baby gift --- a photo shoot for Emmett! His mama thinks he is the most beautiful baby that ever was, and maybe you'll agree with me when you see these photos. Emmett is such a sweet baby. Four months have gone by since his birth, but I still cry tears of joy to be his mother.

Graduation. . . (well sort of)

Last month I got my masters degree in Library and Information Science, kind of. They put the hood on me and everything, but it didn't seem real. Probably because I still have one semester to go.:) At least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! It is so hard to get any homework done with a 4 month old, a job, and a calling as ward primary president. But I absolutely refuse to flunk out my last semester! After all, I've already walked! How dumb would that be! Tyson, my family, and Tyson's family have been, and are, so supportive. It's going to feel really good when it's a done deal!

I'm getting teeth!!

Love my little buddy

Up all night

Emmett kept me up until 4:30 am the other night. As I was drowsily changing his diaper, he looked up and smiled at me. What a charmer! I think it may have been a real smile this time, but it wasn't the first. He gave his first real smile to grandma Leslie. I am okay with this because 36 years ago, I gave my first real smile to Sarah Darlington, an elderly neighbor of my grandparents who had a particularly high voice. My mother was very hurt by this, so I think it's only fair that Emmett gave his first smile to her.

Here is a picture of Emmett smiling in his sleep, taken by his aunt Annie. Who knows? Maybe aunt Annie really got his first smile!

Smile

I can't wipe the smile off my face, I love my baby so much. Sometimes when I feed him he puts his hand on my heart. There isn't a hole there anymore.

Photo by Emilie

Our darling baby is one month old today! Many thanks to our neighbor and dear friend, Emilie Ralph, for doing a mini photo shoot for us. Otherwise Emmett's life thus far would only be documented via iPhone cameras. :) To see more of Emilie's work, or to book your own photo shoot, please visit www.photobyemilie.com!

We love Emmett!

Tyson and I had a terrific experience on Saturday. Someone asked us if we have any children. For the first time ever, we were able to say, "yes". It felt really good.
Emmett is already a momma's boy. We are happy and sleepy and doing great!

Emmett Christian Haslam

Emmett Christian Haslam
Born Tuesday, October 2nd at 8:34 a.m.
7 pounds 14.8 ounces 19 inches
We love our baby boy!

Happy Spring!

I'm not sure how many people really see our blog, but if there's anybody out there, my apologies for not posting. 3 failed adoption opportunities in 2 months. I don't want to gripe about it, and you really don't want to hear it!
On a happier note, spring is here, and the weather is great! We are doing fine. We are enjoying our families, and I LOVE being in school.  Tyson thinks I'm a little crazy for my love of school, but it's true, I cried all the way home from college graduation.  It feels great to be back! 
Love you all.  Thanks for your prayers!
Tyson and Katie

Birthmom

As hard as infertility is, someday Tyson and I will be parents, and will feel great joy in our children.  I feel sad a lot because of infertility, but in the adoption story there is another mother that feels love and pain: the birthmother.  One of these days, we will meet a very brave woman, and I've been thinking about her a lot lately.

What will she be like?  I don't know, but I'd like to think she will turn out to be a dear friend.  I feel scared to meet her, but I'm sure she will be scared to meet us.  I hope we can make her feel loved and appreciated-- and comfortable around us.

I know I won't understand the grief she will experience.  I know I won't be able to thank her enough.  I also know I won't fail her in being a good mother to her child.

I can't carry a child, but I feel like there are children meant to be in my family.  Is that all a birthmother is?  A one time conduit between us and our baby?  I think she is more.