Friday, January 6, 2012


As hard as infertility is, someday Tyson and I will be parents, and will feel great joy in our children.  I feel sad a lot because of infertility, but in the adoption story there is another mother that feels love and pain: the birthmother.  One of these days, we will meet a very brave woman, and I've been thinking about her a lot lately.

What will she be like?  I don't know, but I'd like to think she will turn out to be a dear friend.  I feel scared to meet her, but I'm sure she will be scared to meet us.  I hope we can make her feel loved and appreciated-- and comfortable around us.

I know I won't understand the grief she will experience.  I know I won't be able to thank her enough.  I also know I won't fail her in being a good mother to her child.

I can't carry a child, but I feel like there are children meant to be in my family.  Is that all a birthmother is?  A one time conduit between us and our baby?  I think she is more. 

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Happy New Year!

I want to write about how I'm feeling so I don't forget.  I just have this feeling that everything will work out when the time is right, and our little one will join our family.  Important to remember when times get discouraging!

I feel encouraged right now for so many reasons.  At the start of a new year we have so much to look forward to!  I start school again this month- so excited to finish my Masters!  It's a time for goals and renewal.  I even made dinner the past two nights-- it's a miracle!

There are so many people that light up my life right now.  I had a nice chat with my friend Brenda the other day, who knows EXACTLY what we are going through.  So nice to talk with someone who literally understands.

Also, my friend and neighbor Emilie Ralph offered to update our photos for our adoption profile!  Didn't they turn out so cute?  Em is a fantastic photographer!  If you are looking to get your family pics done or take a class on how to use that camera you got for Christmas, check out her website at

I'm also feeling gratitude for my awesome family!  My parents are amazing.  I can always depend on them.  They never let me down.  My husband is so kind and patient with me.  We always have fun together.  So glad I married you honey!  My siblings are so great--they are my best friends.  And Tyson's family members are the greatest inlaws I could ever hope for.  I love each one of them dearly.

Happy New Year everybody!